TRANSCENDENTAL MEDITATION SAVED MY LIFE or the deterioration of the psyche of the one behind the curtain

by Boyfrienders

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1.	Poppy's Narcissistic Circus [Opening Credits] 00:56	buy track
2.	Nevermind 03:43	buy track
3.	Just Be. 02:21	buy track
4.	Catching the Q Again and Again 02:47	buy track
5.	Mediocre Indie Sleaze 02:55	buy track
6.	The Casio Crybaby 03:08	buy track
7.	Happy Together 03:52	buy track
8.	Keep On Floating With Me 04:08	buy track
9.	Going to Heaven? Having Nightmares? [Intermission] 01:28	buy track
10.	Unraveling (The News Is They Are Coming) 02:02	buy track
11.	On Fluttering Continents 02:30	buy track
12.	Love in Season Two/Sátántangó 03:03	buy track
13.	Techno Depressive #1 03:42	buy track
14.	GHOST.girl 02:37	buy track
15.	Don't Smoke Weed [The Coda] 01:12	buy track
16.	Mazel Tov 02:04	buy track

about

I never took myself seriously until this year.

I’m not okay. I’ve known for years now that I’m not okay, but it all came to a head over this past year. During the spring, I was diagnosed with ADHD, being on the autism spectrum, on top of my well-established diagnoses of profound depression, OCD, and generalized anxiety. I was at first optimistic about this mental clarity. I felt like I was on the path to getting better, or if not “better”, then at least feeling more “normal”.

But that clarity also came with a cost I was not prepared for: having to reframe all of my quirks, all of my mistakes, and all of my social ills through a new perspective. Having to re-contextualize so many lived experiences through an entirely different lens is a lot to ask of anyone, and it turned out to be too much for my psyche.

This past summer I had a mental breakdown, was almost hospitalized, and was put on an intensive medication and outpatient therapy regimen. I was paranoid, depressed, and experiencing genuine bouts of psychosis. I became a social recluse and isolated myself from almost everyone. I started flickering between extreme manic episodes, and extreme depressive episodes.

I had a plan to die. I almost followed through on said plan.

This record is about that period of time. It’s very raw and very personal, and it’s still hard to talk about some of the things I reference on these tracks. It spans genres between indie rock, alternative country, shoegaze stuff, electronic, and dance music. It’s all over the place, very weird, and very messy at a technical level. Just like my brain was.

I was not expecting this to become LP4, but I needed a healthy release for how fucked up I’ve felt for the better part of a year, and this is the manifestation. I made this with no ill intent, and everything besides what’s noted was solely recorded, written, mixed, and mastered by me.

Also, it must be noted that I’m doing much better now.

credits

released December 29, 2022

Trigger Warnings:
“Nevermind” contains references to extreme paranoid delusions.
“Just Be.” contains references to drug addiction.
"Mazel Tov" contains explicit descriptions of psychosis and suicidal ideation.

“Going to Heaven? Having Nightmares?” Provided with permission by Gabriel Miller and Ryan Shea

Everything else was done by Poppy Morawa.

Special thanks to Haley, you make me want to be here.

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about

Boyfrienders Wyandotte, Michigan

whatever decides to come out of the mind of poppy morawa; live band includes matthew stonebraker, adrian clark, and evan laybourn

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